Meanderings

Chronology is awkward, trying to sort out what exactly I am trying to demonstrate what should be gleaned from the past and whether this should be a step by step account or whether to do stream of consciousness type flashbacks. Whar lessons are to be gleaned from the past, is pain always of use, does it make us or break us. Does it fortify some parts of the personality where as other aspects of your mind are eroded?

I need to remember I am writing a blog not a book. Blogging is new to me but it seems to encourage me to write and to think about how I write and for what purpose. Why bother at all? But I am seeking answers. I need to take these experiences and use them for the common good of my family, for Angela and of course for me. To find my own peace of mind.

I have a battle with normality, I feel apart, like a visitor from a distant Galaxy, outside looking in. Are my neighbours secretly as eccentric as me? A subversive streak battles with a desire to be Mrs Average next door, but the common place doesn't seem to have a place for me. I have been nomadic for my entire adult life, i want to settle but i don't have roots i have wings, I am not sure where exactly I should be, or where I am wanted.

Three are steps that I need to take, I need to look back and from all the regret find vigour and determination to be a success on my own terms again- i am not going to allow my self to fail.