I will keep this succinct- I knew it would happen when I told my mum that my partner was transgendered and that she presents herself as a woman in front of the children (for that matter, Asda. Macdonalds, Aldi, restaurants.... almost everyone)- that Mum would be confused and unhappy. Yet what saddens me the most in my prediction of her reaction, is her bitterness, bigotry and vitriol.
I told her yesterday about my relationship with "Adam" and that "Adam" was actually "Angela" - and went to great lengths to gently explain that my partner did not dress for sexual kicks, was NOT a transvestite, but was a woman born into the incorrect body. I could have walked away but didn't, not because I am a self sacrificing do-gooder but because I love and care for Angela and feel that she actually loves me for all my flaws.
I had explained, that I had gone to great lengths and studied a lot of material and talked to to other trans parents before telling the children. Angela and I had agreed that we would not expose our children's friends to her trans self, as we fear our children will be bullied.
I was doomed to failure really and knew it, but it had to come from me and not one of the children.
She was on the phone, and would only refer to Angela as either
He
Angelina
(or her favourite)That Transvestite
I Will list her objections
It will damage your daughter as her periods are due to start
You need a man to settle down with you
It's not normal/it's weird
I am not homophobic but do you realise this makes you a leeeeeessssssbbbiiiiaaaan
"Crying" I think you are dysfunctional, I am going to the school tomorrow to tell the staff about what your making the children go through.
I will have to tell your first husband - he won't be happy... (no Baldprick's an extremist Catholic with violent inclinations.... oh happy day!)
I tried to give her reasoned and reassuring replies but it was falling on deaf ears, I know the outcome, (I live in a house she owns) I will be threatened with eviction, she will more than likely try to harrass me if Angela is here for a visit (I will not hesitiate to call the police) she will try to convince the kids that the love we have is abnormal.... this is going to be a long and arduous chapter as she is forced to accept the situation, i'm already tired from my detox and recent cold turkey off alcohol, I don't need the stress but will deal with it.
I chose a tougher road I know... but I won't be cowtowed by anyone.
The only way to deal with a bully is to hit them as hard as you can.
ReplyDeleteYou should point out 'in no uncertain terms' how she 'came' into her money on her back - which you find disgusting and abhorrent, and that does she realise that with her public outbursts she is seen as the village idiot.
Then just tell her to F### OFF
:-) mwoah
Stay strong. Think of how you'll react to her actions if she does do any of these things. Get a plan. You are doing a brilliant thing, standing by someone you love - but the world can and often is ghastly to those who are transgendered, and those who support us.
ReplyDeleteAnd bullies need to be faced down, it's certainly true.
I saw your comment on Nicky's blog and came to say hello. What to say? I hope your mum comes round to the idea before she does too much damage.
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about the transgender community, and for that I can only apologise. But I do congratulate you on sharing your relationship with people, and knowing that you can stand strong in your convictions.
ReplyDeleteIt is the world that has to change and start to accept people for who they are. I hope that in time, your mum will come round too.