Monday, 11 January 2010

What is it with Tillie and the T-girls?

Tillie and the t-girls! Hmmmmmmm I think I feel a live band coming on!

The question I am most frequently asked is "What is it with me and trans people? " (I feel a rather exotic dance act coming on!)

When Judy first introduced me to the world of the T-girl in September 2008, I was very much alone, with no local friends, and I found her circle of T.V's and cross dressers to be warm, friendly and also rather spicy. There were numerous opportunities to be wined and dined, and dance till the early hours. Her friends would be willing to pick me up and often treat me. I was on a reduced income living in a small village with three children. I was trying to sort my self out as a self employed web based business (up and running now- thanks to Angela's help) and life was not really a lot of fun. Tillie is a vivacious and sociable girl with a wild child side to her that is never far from the surface. The nights out with the beautiful t-girls was a welcome outlet and a thrill. Many of the girls would be leading secret lives in their need to dress and appreciated a friend to talk to and the company of a real woman who accepted and embraced their en femme natures and expressions. It is something I find profoundly touching and also brings out a protective streak in me.

Many people associate transvestites with deviant and promiscuous sex, and whilst this maybe partly true, I believe it is only as true as in the entire vanilla male population, many of whom go drinking in clubs in order to get laid. It is not just t-girls who like a splash of PVC and a session of tied up teasing. it is just they look hotter when they are playing the game! It is I guess psycho sexual for me, although on a psychological level, the eroticism and sensuality it arouses in me could be a definite aspect of my innate bisexuality and the perfect compromise for my sexual expression. When I first started my affair with Judy it felt very right, to be held in the arms of a man in satin and stockings.

I find t-girls very exciting, and once "out" they exist as a large and formidable community, I have been befriended, and courted by multi millionaire, financiers and young students, the common link with them all being a desire for a feminine expression and to be accepted as such. I love to go clacking down Canal Street, with a gaggle of six foot t-girls, to tease the boys!

So partly my love is a love of of life, and an attraction to a subversive lifestyle that bends the rules of society, gender is an explosive issue and can provoke volatile and diverse reactions, and like my life long devotion to gay issues and rights hence I am an ally to the trans community ans proud to be an advocate of trans issues. Like a call to duty. Gender was a key area of study when I undertook an M.phil in Women's studies and know that gender and sexuality, the self -are One but spectral and faceted. I feel I understand the very nature of it.

I am being very specific here, and referring to TV's and cross dressers, the trans person is a varied species- with private lingerie wearers who are largely secretive and mostly I think autogynophiles (masturbators), fetishists, etc And then we start to encounter the clearly transgendered individuals right through to the transwomen who are born in mismatching bodies and who have female brain patterning. This is something very different to my sexual and social fascination with t-girls! Many of my transsexual women friends are highly offended if referred to as trannys! In my mind my transsexual female friends are as female as my natal (biological) female friends. It is a more domestic and centred love I feel for them. Sometimes though the transwoman see "t-girl" as a dirty and demeaning word, and I feel this is also a terrible prejudice, as many transswomen start as transvestites and only realise the extremes of their transgenderism as they get older, and suppress their true female due to denial and a myriad of social pressures.

Angela's transsexualism, when it emerged about six months into our relationship had a huge impact on my life and how I view my role in society and the basic tenets of truth telling within my family, it has caused me much soul searching and questioning about my own sexual identity and the impact it has on others. I feel other trans-partners may need a friend in me to help navigate what is a beautiful but treacherous journey.

My open, queer and studious nature facilitates a deep love of this community, and a safety net it provides for me as I know I am also valued in return. I also need to protect Angela.

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